Tiny fingers.........

This morning (2 am) I woke up to the tiny, grunting, shifting baby sounds coming from our monitor. I leaned over and clicked the video button to take a peek at my sleeping angel just to confirm that he was stirring. I'm working hard to not be a slave to my monitor at night which is why I leave it on the floor most nights now. Evan keeps telling me to just listen...don't watch. He's right...watching is entirely too nerve-wracking. Anyway, on my way out of bed I kicked what I thought was a sock out of the sheets to the floor...turns out it was a spit-up rag. Yep, stuck in my sheets. I shoved it in the front pocket of the sweatshirt I was wearing and went to my whimpering baby boy who was longing for dry "undies" and 3 ozs of the good stuff!

As I did just 3 hours before, I picked him up, kissed his cheeks and smiled as he stretched and hoped the diaper change would be a quick one. He laid on the changing table and stared at me as if to wonder, "Hey mom, didn't you wear that yesterday?" Yes, sweet boy....mommy doesn't know what time it is, what day it is or how long she's been wearing this sweatshirt. I'm almost afraid that when the time comes for me to actually put some effort back into how I look, Landon won't recognize me! LOL

I wish I could record the sound Landon makes when he first takes his bottle in his mouth.....you would think we hadn't fed him in weeks! He makes long, exaggerated gulping sounds for the first oz, then takes the last 2 ozs grunting with his eyes half closed. It's quite a sight...and sound :) He sits on my lap and clenches his fists which he holds together up under his chin as if praying to God..."Please don't let this bottle end...it's SO good!" But this morning, instead of clenching his left hand into a fist, he grabbed on to my pinky finger and held on for dear life. I laughed a little and let him hold on to me until he finished the last oz. Since he's had a little bit of reflux and a lot of uncomfortable gas, burping is essential! When I took the bottle out of his mouth to get one more good burp, I noticed that he was still holding on to my finger. I didn't want to let go....but the burp.....gotta get the burp! After the burp I laid him back in my arms to ensure that he was asleep and before long he had grabbed back on to my finger.

In his dimly lit room, I sat holding my sweet boy thinking about all the adventures we'd have together over the coming years. I thought about the near furture and crawling, talking, teeth...then thought about what he'd look like on his first day of school, reading with him, doing homework, wondering if he'd like sports or would he sing like his Daddy? Then my mind wandered into the teen years.....and as he laid there in my arms, which were beginning to get achy from holding him, I thought about how in about 15 years, when he'd rather not admit we're his parents.....I'll probably think back to this night with tears in my eyes, longing for his little fingers to be wrapped around my finger one more time. So, at 2:30 am, with two aching arms....I sat there for 15 more minutes with his little fingers holding me tightly....because I've been told "time flies" and I want to get all the squeezes out of those little hands that I can!

Flash Flood Warning..........

Yes, there's a flash flood warning over on Hamlet Dr. these days! Looking back, I forgot to register for something.....a life-time supply of Kleenex!

The morning of July 9, 2010 was the day the tears started falling. I was just about to leave for my 3rd day of summer school and for some crazy reason I decided to give the good old stick test a try. I stood there...waited the required 3 mins.....and watched as 2 little pink lines appeared right before my (teary) eyes. In total shock, I called Evan at work to tell him. No, I did not come up with some cute, creative way to break the news to him like writing a poem or wrapping up a cute little onesie. I called and told him through my tears that I was staring at a positive pregnancy test. Then....I called my mom and cried on the phone to her....and we cried together. I drove to work that morning...crying the whole way. From that day on, crying became my new norm. ( and for anyone who really knows me....when has crying ever NOT been my norm? :)

I wasn't totally naive to the fact that crying was a natural, hormonal change (one of which) I was going to experience over the 9 months of pregnancy. What I wasn't prepared for? ....The amount of tears that would fall...and some for no reason that I could come up with. Now, in the beginning it was clear why I was crying.......fear of the unknown, the reality of a life-changing experience, fear of delivery, etc. I cried at work, at home, on the phone...you name it! But these days if you ask why I'm crying, you'll likely get an "I don't know anymore..." response!

As I was nearing my due date I was determined (or trying to be determined) not to cry in the hospital. I wanted to be strong and conquer my crying fits! Yeah...that didn't happen. At one point I was crying so much I think Evan wanted to go sit with someone else's wife just to get a break! LOL And then, in good old Robin fashion, I began apologizing to the nurses and my doctor for crying, throwing up, you name it...I was so doped up, that in the recovery room, I was telling my nurse that I was holding on to someone when I got so sick on the table and that I felt so bad. Turns out...she was the one I was holding on to! LOL So I cried then too....out of embarassment. The one thing no one told me, was that after delivery hormone levels plummet...again. And so begins...more crying.

Needless to say, when I got home I was entirely overwhelmed. For those of you waiting to give birth, be warned...the crying actually gets worse after delivery! My poor mom needs to start billing me for all the hours of consoling she's provided. Not to mention my poor husband! If you see him out and about you'll probably notice the new Weber trademark on his left shoulder....Landon spit-up. And on his right shoulder....my pool of tears. While I'm sure the crying spells will let up eventually, I also expect that this is also part of being a new mom who just wants to do right. I cry because I worry, because I'm overwhelmed by this new responsibility, because I'm so happy and blessed to have such a beautiful new family and mostly these days because every time I look at and hold Landon, I'm reminded that I created that miracle with my very best friend who I've shared half my life with. My mom shared this quote with me....."Having a child is like having your heart walk outside of your body." Well if that doesn't make ya cry just reading it!!! Those are the tears I don't mind shedding. But be warned....if you plan to come visit, bring your swimmies...you'll need them to help wade through all my tears. :)

Where it all began......

Not so long ago, (ok- a long time ago....1994), I walked into the auditorium of Council Rock High School to attend a talent show with some friends. We sat and watched/listened to many friends of ours who showcased their talents of which we already knew existed in them. About half-way through the show, a student who I had never seen, walked onto the stage with his accompanist and sang a song I had never heard. As the piano began to play, so "the voice" began to sing...."Bring Him Home" from Les Miserables. I sat, awestruck, in genuine amazement at the level of talent being belted from those lungs.

That night I went home and stood in the kitchen with my mom and said, "I heard this guy sing tonight with the most amazing voice and I have no idea who he is." Unbelievably....my mom knew who I was speaking of. Evan Weber...who had passed through the halls of Holland Elementary School the same time I was passing through the halls of Churchville ES. My mom never had him in 3rd grade but she certainly knew of him.

Not thinking much of it again, in the fall of 1994 I walked into my first Rock Ensemble rehearsal and immediately noticed Evan sitting across the room. Ever since the spring of 1994 when I first saw him, I had always thought he was a year older than me. I learned that day at rehearsal that he was my age and we'd be spending our senior year together in our small choral group. I was so excited to have the opportunity to sing with him.......having not one thought that I was singing with the future father of my beautiful baby boy :) And so the journey that took us to assembling cribs, making bottles, changing diapers and falling endlessly in love with every onesie we change began........